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So to start this soon to be Epic thread off.


Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"


Student: "Meat!"


Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"


Student: "Bacon!"


Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"


Student: "Homework!"



Take it away peeps.





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My wife and I are having a competition to see who can steal the most dog related stuff from our local pet shop.


I've just taken the lead.




The jumper I got for Christmas kept picking up static electricity so I took it back to the shop and exchanged it for another one free of charge.


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My neighbor knocked on my door at 4am last night! Can you believe it!?


Luckily I was still up playing my drums

I got my wife a prosthetic leg for Christmas.

It's not her main present - it's just a stocking filler.

Just got stuck behind a tractor on the way to the shops. The bloke on top wouldn't stop screaming "We're all doomed! The end is nigh!"


Turns out it was Farmer Geddon

I've just called Sea World.

They said my call was being recorded for training porpoises.

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not a text but a well known actor said to me today...


him. did you hear about the mummy they found in egypt that was totally preserved

me. no

him. it was in all the papers

me. still never seen it.

him ye they preserved it by covering it in chocolate then heaping loads of crushed nuts on it.

me. ........

him. ye it was the Pharaoh rocher.


(hes not a comidian)

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